


Two puzzle pieces

by micasaessakusa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24532789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/micasaessakusa/pseuds/micasaessakusa
Summary: It was supposed to be easy. You were supposed to understand each other because you are the same puzzle piece, but the understanding seemed to bite you back as it let you feel something you haven’t felt in a long time:security and assurance in the arms of another.Everything with him threw you entirely off the loop, so you did the only thing you did best.You ran away from him.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Kudos: 27





	Two puzzle pieces

_Like two puzzle pieces that fit together_.

Often, you hear people describe themselves and their partners as such, proclaiming perfection of a union they think would last forever, but would inevitably reach an end the moment they get tired of each other.

It’s not bitterness that makes you think this, no, it’s just reality. And hey, you’re not happy about it either, but you’ve learned to accept that it’s just the way it is.

Those who dare defy that truth are foolish and are just setting themselves up for a bigger disappointment in the future: hate brewed by annoyance over time, cheating, and of course, the infamous divorce if you _really were foolish enough_ to reach marriage.

As for you, you’d rather stay as scarless as you could, thank you very much. You’d do well without a sob story of your own.

Even though the cheesiness of the puzzle analogy makes you cringe every single time you hear about it, you admit there’s a certain allure to it.

If you are to liken yourself to a piece, you’d say you’re the corner one. Why? Well, if it’s up to you, you’d only ever really open yourself up to two things: platonic relationships like family and beloved friends, and your one and only true love, volleyball. You practically live and breath volleyball, you’d trade anything just to be able to keep playing until the day you die.

So yeah, opening up to just two things, then closing yourself up to the rest. That way, you’d have complete control over your future, and you’d never get hurt.

Nonetheless, you do indulge in trysts every now and then. There’s just something about having fresh sparks that makes you feel alive, almost the same feeling you get when you play your sport. However, you remember to always make yourself clear that nothing would get past the fling stage. The partners you’ve had have always agreed, but sometimes, a stray one or two would bug you to give them a chance at something more.

Those kinds, you take care of with a few choice words followed by a block on all modes of communication. You guess you’re being rude sometimes, but really, you reason that it’s their fault for letting themselves believe it could be something more even after you’ve made yourself abundantly clear.

 _A hypocrite_.

That’s what you called yourself back then.

It’s the first thought that entered your mind the moment you became aware you were starting to tread the path you laughed at others for taking. 

_When you realized a mop of chocolate brown hair was the first thing you looked for when you entered a room._

_When you found yourself rushing to get to your phone every time you hear a notification ping, subconsciously wishing it was him._

_When you caught yourself picking up milk bread on your bakery runs for some of your favorite muffins._

_When you noticed yourself daydreaming more and more about his smiles, his voice, and the way he says your name._

_When you observed yourself opening up to him more about your past, your dreams, just everything and nothing all at the same time._

You fell for Oikawa Tooru.

And for that, you think, _you’re a hypocrite_.

It was supposed to be all fun and games, nothing more. Not the type where you’re both the first person each one calls when something important happens, not the kind where a mere smile from each other could override a bad day, and definitely not the sort where you feel like you’ve both always known each other - where you forgot how life was like before the two of you met.

Oikawa Tooru is similar to you. Eerily similar, you surmise, when you think about it deep enough.

He had the same views, same dreams and aspirations, the same _fear_ of falling in love and not being enough.

Oh, you both knew. Even though the two of you never divulged your reasons for being averse to commitment, he has always known why you strayed from relationships. And you’ve always known why he did the same. No words are needed for understanding to course between the two of you.

You both just know the fear of giving your all, as how the two of you always do when you set your minds to something. _Giving your all, but still not being enough_.

It was supposed to be easy with Tooru, no-- _Oikawa_. It was supposed to be easy given how similar you two are.

People always talk about fitting partners and puzzle pieces, but nobody ever talks about being the _same_ puzzle piece. Being made of the same material, constructing the same walls, closing the same doors, being afraid of crossing the same bridges.

 _Being afraid of the same love_ , even though it’s fairly obvious the feelings are requited.

It was supposed to be easy. You were supposed to understand each other because you are the same puzzle piece, but the understanding seemed to bite you back as it let you feel something you haven’t felt in a long time: _security and assurance in the arms of another_.

Everything with him threw you entirely off the loop, so you did the only thing you did best.

 _You ran away from him_.

You stopped talking to him, stopped calling him, stopped coming to his games. You started ignoring him, started walking the other way when you see him, started to throw yourself at other people again.

But you’re not stupid, you knew what you were feeling the moment you felt it. And even with all your insecurities, you knew Oikawa felt the same.

So here you are, in front of the man who has never failed to make you feel safe; the man you would move mountains for.

His warm brown eyes that you’ve come to love so much stare right back into your own, anguished tears cascading slowly down his soft cheeks. You hate yourself for making him cry. He’s always been a man full of life, and seeing him like this just because of someone like you? It made you hate yourself more.

“Why are you here, [Y/N]?” he whispers in a low voice through his tears. “Came back for something?”

“I’m--”

“Gonna apologize and lead me on, then what? You’re gonna disappear again without a word?” the harsh chuckle that escapes his lips grips at your heart, rendering you unable to reply to him. You blink the stinging at the back of your eyes, willing your tears to not fall at the moment. His words ring nothing but the truth, and you remind yourself you have no right to feel hurt.

Sweat forms at the back of your neck, your nervousness manifesting because of his gaze and his imposing stance, but you gulp the lump that has seemingly formed in your airways. Coughing quietly to clear your throat, you gently take his calloused hand into your own, noting the way he tenses upon contact.

You swallow past your reservations and you look at his eyes, ready to bare your soul to him.

“I’m sorry, Tooru. I really am,” you say softly as you give his hand a light squeeze. “I have no excuse. What I did was wrong, but I was just so afraid.”

Tears start to leak past your lids, and you sniffle in an attempt to rein in your emotions. “I ran because of how serious and-- and real everything was.”

Oikawa remains silent as he levels you with a blank look, his tears having long since halted.

“Everyone I’ve grown up around has relationships that destroyed them. My dad’s stuck with my mom even though I know they already hate each other. My sister got cheated on by her longtime boyfriend. My best friend got rid of the guy she’s been with just cos she suddenly fell out of love,” you break eye contact when you see pity in his eyes. Instead, you stare at the ground with your breath fogging and tears still flowing. 

“They’ve been destroyed by the one thing they used to feel most alive about. And it’s still destroying them. So I ran away because it was the only thing I knew I could do.”

His free hand rises to put atop yours, and the small act makes a tiny hopeful smile bloom on your face. However, the feeling gets shattered in an instant when he grips your hand just to shrug it off from his other hand you were previously holding on to.

“The only thing you could do? Did you really think so lowly of me that you thought I’d deliberately hurt you?” Oikawa sneers, his pain coating his words in venom.

You stutter for an answer, “No! That’s not it!” 

“Then what is it? Because last time I thought we were building a connection enough for us to be able to trust each other!” His voice rises and your breathing quickens in panic.

“Don’t you get it, Tooru?” He winces at your use of his first name. “I did trust you! I trust you so much I’m here right now to get you back!” Your sobs echo off the space you’re in, each word like a knife you struggle to get out of your chest.

“But the hurt in relationships is not deliberate! Don’t you understand? I was afraid! I was afraid of loving you, only to get hurt by you in the future! But I know you, Tooru, I know now that you wouldn’t ever hurt me.”

The pent up frustration and emotion finally explodes and you collapse on your knees to the ground, but Oikawa makes no move to help you. You cry, sobbing from the years of fright and fear of seeing your loved ones bright from love then slowly diminish with each second they spend hating themselves and their failed relationships.

A few moments pass before Oikawa kneels in front of you, taking your hands into his warm hold, and he stares into your palms while he caresses them. You’re transfixed by the sight. Memories of nights being held in his embrace flash through your mind and you suddenly become aware of how much you’ve missed his gentle touch.

His face shows the love you know he still has for you. Through his expressions shine the same longing you feel for being held in a tight hold.

“I love you, [Y/N],” he whispers four words meant for no one but you. Your breath hitches upon his confession, but he slowly looks up from your hands to meet your eyes. 

Looking at the warm pools of brown staring straight at you, you see one thing reflected that would forever be embedded on your mind. _Acceptance_.

 _Acceptance of the fact that you can never be together anymore_.

“You’re right about one thing, [Y/N]-chan,” he says with a sad smile. “Hurt isn’t deliberate. I know you ran away to protect your heart, but you need to understand that in the process, you broke mine. When you left me, you did the exact same thing you didn’t want to experience.”

He lowers your hand down to your lap, retracting his own back down to his side. 

“I love you, but I can’t trust you not to leave me again. The pain I felt when you suddenly disappeared… I can’t even begin to describe it.”

Standing up to his full height, he dusts himself off. You’re left staring up at him, the finality of his words stabbing at you like a scorching blade. Scrambling to your feet, you beg him, “Please, Tooru, I wouldn’t leave you again!”

You plead, frantically searching his eyes for any sign that he might take you back again. You choke the words out amidst the tearful sobs that break free from your lips. “I love you, Tooru! And I’m willing to risk everything if it’s with you!” 

Oikawa’s eyes gloss over with tears, a drop rolling down the side of his cheek before he lets out a pained smile, sealing this chapter of your story with his parting words.

“I would have risked it all for you, too…”

‘...but not everyone has the strength to get back up from the feeling of being left alone.”


End file.
